14 October, 2009

What's in a Name

The following is a devotional I wrote 6 years ago.

Fawn1 / fôn / n. 1 deer in its first year 2 light yellowish brown---adj.
Fawn2 v. 1 behave servively (of or like a slave) 2 show extreme affection [OE]

Have you ever thought about how the name you have has an immediate interaction with the person you are or become? Read various articles or books and they all tell you to take careful choice in the name that you give your children. They have websites that can analyze a name and tell you your astrological chart. They have books that can give a characterization on the person you are just by the meaning or letters in your name.

I remember when I was a teenager, my cousin and I used to play a game where we would write a boy's full name with our name, give the letters a number and then add the numbers with ours. Depending on the sum of the number it told you if the boy "loved" you or not. Funny, the games we play as children, never realizing that there is always some truth in error. Don't get me wrong I am not saying that the children's game actually was a correct game, but the premise was there---what's in a name?

When I researched my name I was amazed to find the meaning of my name so closely paralleled the woman I was/am. Lets break it down, shall we? With the exception of the common meaning that Fawn means baby deer, Fawn also means light yellowish brown. Well, oddly enough I must admit that my skin tone is one of a light yellowish brown complexion. Fawn also means to behave of or like a slave, I am not ashamed to admit at one time, I have behaved with a slave mentality. Lastly, Fawn means to show extreme affection as in---Why is she fawning all over you? Herein again, I have to acknowledge that I have behaved in such a way in the past. You think my mother knew that I would so closely become the name she chose for me? Honestly, I don't think so. My mother was a Waccamaw Indian, so I think she was doing what is common in that ethnic group and that is to name your children after things of nature.
Who am I, you ask?

That is a very good question---Until recent years I was never able to answer that question for myself. For years I struggled with defining who I am. Always finding a way to become what others needed me to be. My life has been riddled with tragedy and disappointment like many; I believe it is how you deal with that tragedy and disappointment that counts. My mother was 34 when she died and I was 11, at 18 my paternal grandmother died; at 21 my paternal grandfather died, at 26 my father died and at 27 my maternal grandmother was the last to die. Through all of these deaths, a part of me would die with them and a part of me would be reborn. I learned from experience that life truly was survival of the fittest and you either move on or life moves on with out you.

After battling four years of depression, five years of low self esteem and seven years of questioning God. I finally came into my own realization that who I am as a person does not have to measure up to be what others would have me to be. I realized that who I indeed am is a wonderfully made, beautifully designed and intricately created child of God! I realized that at every valley in my life that my faith is what sustained me and brought me through. I realized that God was truly a God of grace and mercy. I also realized that Gods plan always has meaning and it is up to you to be willing to allow him to show you his plan so you may gain understanding of the past, present, and future.

Sometimes as humans we tend to limit God and what he can do for us.

We are visual creatures, we must have something that we can tangibly see, hear, touch, taste or smell. If what we are seeking does not fall within one of these five categories we tend to lose hope, gain doubt and disbelief. What many miss out on is, God does use the five senses to talk to us each and every day. It is up to you to pay attention and use discernment in what method he is using to speak to you. I have learned to be more in tune with Gods voice and to stop looking for the BOOMING theatrical voice from above to come and rescue me or stop me from doing something. When you acknowledge his small wonders, pay attention to life on a daily basis and thank God for his grace and mercy consistently; you begin to realize that everything is really all in control. You learn to really Love God deeply and passionately. You learn to have such a strong dependent relationship on him that when troubles come, you can really say "This too shall pass" and BELIEVE IT.

So I end this by asking the question I started with, "What's in a name?" Well there is comfort in a name, there is love in a name, there is strength in a name, there is courage in a name, there is peace in a name, there is patience in a name, there is determination in a name, there is success in a name, and most of all there is POWER in a name.

Whatever your name may be always know that you are a child of God, and in his name you can do ALL things. So whether you call him God, Allah, Yahweh, Abba, Jehovah-jireh, Jehovah-nissi, Jehovah-shalom, Jehovah-shammah, or Jehovah-tsidkenu never ever forget to call him for he is your lifeline and sustaining power.

**I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.** John 14: 12-14 NIV Holy Bible

1 comment:

  1. Fawn, thank you for today's magnificently written post Several years ago I found out the meaning of my own name and was astounded by how accurately it fits my persona. My father gave me this name, much to my mother's objection, and I don't think he had any idea of it's true meaning. Your post is a reminder of how all of our steps are ordered by God, even before our very existence.