27 December, 2010

Christmas Miracles...


So 2010 has been the most challenging year of all my adult life.  If it were not for God, I honestly have no idea how my son and I would have survived.  This year has tested my faith in ways I cannot even begin to explain. It has taken me to some of my lowest lows; I honestly thought I was crazier than a bat out of hell!  

I searched and questioned myself continuously.  Cried and prayed and prayed and cried. Being out of work for the past 1 year and half really took jabs at my ego and questioned my ability to support my son.  Just when I thought, I saw a ray of sunshine it would begin pouring down rain again.

Through it all the constant factor that remained is my commitment to serving God and loyal to one of the small but trusting requests he makes of us...that is to tithe.  I am a faithful tither and I believe in the principal of 10 + 10 = 10% tithes & 10% offering.  Now I say this to say, you must do what works for you and yours but as for me and my house ...this is one of my dedications back to God for all he has/does for me. No matter what I have, when I get it or the amount I pay my tithes.  This is not a discussion on how much, when, who, why, what, or where you pay -- that is something you must come to terms with in your own way.

All of this leads me to the week of Dec 20-24.  

On Sat, Dec 18, 2010 I received in the mail a letter from the local sheriff's office telling me I must immediately leave my apartment by Wed, Dec 22, 2010 1:00pm because I was being evicted from my home.  Honestly, I read the letter and laid it down because what could I do at 11pm at night on a Sat???  

Sunday passed and Monday I set in on gathering the remaining money I needed to stay in my home, Monday passed.

Tuesday, I continued to remain calm and I received a phone call to come back for a second interview on 
Thursday for a position I interviewed for back on Nov 18.  (I pause here to say -- on this interview I was with the employer for 3 hours, he checked my references while I was there and seemed very encouraging and that he would be in contact with me.  I left feeling very good about the job and hoped I would have a job offer by the end of November -- but nothing came!  I called this employer three times after waiting two weeks and sending the professional thank you letter all to find out he hired someone else for the job.  I was so disappointed and angry!  How do you interview someone for 3 hours, check their references and lead them to believe you would hire them???  Well after venting on Facebook I moved on and just continued my job search.)

Wednesday arrives and I have all my money except $267 -- I owed for Nov & Dec's rent and my apartment community was also requiring that I pay my January's rent in ADVANCE!!!  January's rent was not due until Dec 25 and late by Jan 1 and they were requiring me to pay what was owed PLUS Jan rent to keep from being evicted.  I went to the rental office and talked with the rental manager and explained there is no way I will have the $267 until Friday (mind you I had already given her $1572.70).  She said, Fawn If you do not have the $267 by 5:30pm today we will HAVE to lock you out of your apartment, and to show she was serious -- she let the Sheriffs’ come and post the note on my door of the eviction and change my locks!! 5:30 arrives and sure enough -- I had to gather a suitcase full of clothes and Dynzcil and I were locked out!  My uncle came by about 7pm and gave me $100; I took that to the rental office so as of Wed, Dec 22, 2010 I had paid my rental office $1672.70 and only owed a balance of $167.  I called the rental office and she still would NOT let Dynzcil and I back in our home.  I stayed calm and just said a prayer to God and said "Lord, your will be done."  <~ This was odd behavior for me -- because I would have been a weeping willow but I was at peace with everything that was happening.

Thursday 3:30, I leave my brother's home to go to my 4:00pm interview.  I arrive at 3:45 and the director is not there yet.  So one of his staff asks me to draft a document for him by this time the director arrives and asks me to create a power point presentation (thank God I took the CIS 110 class this semester), he has me in his office for 4 hours!!!! While I am there my phone is blowing up from my sister-in law and my brother telling me to call my rental office and then the rental office begins to call!! NON-STOP! I finally had to turn my phone off because I was resolved I am staying in this man's office until he tells me I have the job!  I briefly call my rental office and they ask me to come to the office A.S.A.P  Well by the time I leave the directors office at 7:50pm he not only tells me Merry Christmas you have the job but he also gives my 3 year old son a brand new bike!!!  


I immediately go to my apartment complex and by the time I get there the rental office manager has called me AGAIN, I explain why it took me so long and she says I have some news for you.  I pull over because I have NO idea what she is going to tell me.  She says, they are letting me back into my apartment AND that someone donated toys for my son's Christmas, they also had $110 gift card for me to Wal-Mart, $170 worth of grocery gift cards, and someone has made a payment on my rental account so I have a credit balance anywhere from $50 to a whole month's rent but she will not let me know the amount until I drop the $167 off to her and she says just get it into the office by Monday.  

Friday, I go to my apartment and my home is packed DEEEEEP full of gifts for my son, plus a huge box of grocery sitting in my kitchen and a big old ham in my refrigerator(I don't even eat pork, LOL!!!!!)

Saturday is Christmas, after opening gifts with Dynnie we got dressed and went straight to church! (Why Sat, my denomination is Seventh-day Adventist) so I attend church on Saturday.

I share this with you all because I know for a fact there is someone else out there at their wits end and on their way to losing hope.  I say hold on!  I also learned in this process and through this year to just BE!  Just exist!  Stop trying to figure everything out -- stop thinking I have to be my own Dr.Phil.

Stop trying to fix it!  Just Stop!  STOP!  And Just BE!  My cousin Reggie who has the voice and countenance of God, I might add, LOL!!  Had to remind me of the following verses

Matthew 6: 25-34 TNIV
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

God is not a liar and as the seniors say he may not come when you want him, but he is always right on time.  I can honestly tell you he has proven the above verse to me more than once in 2010.

It is so hard not to worry but there comes a time when you just put that worry down because you are honestly tired of carrying it and that is exactly when the Lord steps in and answers your prayers in the way he feels best.

Be encouraged in 2011 to know if things have not begun to change for you -- you are a part of the process and your accountability is just to relax and just BE!  Now that does not mean stop making efforts of improvement; but don't stress over what you cannot change.  Stay focused, challenge yourself daily and work effortlessly towards the goals you set for yourself.  Remember success is relative – everyone does not have to be the next superstar but being a good wife, mother, teacher, accountant, student, attorney, assistant or whatever your goals are – should be your measurement of success.  Stay in line with God’s desire/will for you and press forward.  It will not be easy but to seriously worry about things will add no more to accomplishing your task.  The next day is going to come whether we want it to or not.


Be blessed everyone!  I know I sure am!
"It's All God" - The Soul Seekers: Soul Seekers II


23 November, 2010

The Road to Wellness...








Mental health issues can be such a touchy subject for so many people.  When you begin to discuss them most of the time you get statements like "We all are going through", "Just pray and put your trust in the Lord", "Somebodies situation is worse than yours", "Girl/Man, get over it ain't nobody trying to hear that" or you get Silence, where people now just Google eye you and think you are now mentally deranged for expressing your wounds.  They whisper about you, they try to pat your hand or rub your back like you are going to snap at any moment.  They laugh and mock you and throw shade at your situation, as I stated once before any one who does any of this you should run run run as fast as you can.  


Be careful and use discernment with whom you confide your innermost to!

YOU and you alone are accountable and responsible for your own mental health.  Every one's breaking point is not the same and don't expect the hands across America treatment.  

Do not expect empathy from any one ESPECIALLY NOT medical providers, church ministers/counselors, friends and/or family.  We live in a apathetic society where people are so caught up with the rat race in their own lives there is no room to even sit and ponder your woes.  So in this aspect I will say "don't cry, dry your eyes IN FRONT of them"  If you have to be weeping willow, do that in the comfort and quiet of your own home. But whatever you do, I encourage you to seek help.  Soul Pain and heart break is a rocky, rocky road to walk.  Sometimes we think that we have recovered from certain issues only to mask it with something else.  We have short attention spans these days so it is easy to lose focus and transfer it to something else ONLY to finally realize on the day that you need something that it has to be addressed.  Likened to you buy a carton of milk open it and leave it in the refrigerator to long and we you go to eat cereal,  you quickly realize it is spoiled! Only a fool, would put the milk back in the refrigerator!  The person with some sense would throw it out and go purchase another.  But how many times can you say you actually unconsciously did the foolish thing and sat that milk BACK in the refrigerator??  It hasn't happened often, but it has happened.  This is what we do with Soul Pain and Heart Break.  Let me also say heart break does not have to come from an intimate lover.  Heart break can most definitely come from a parent, relative, a child, and yes to the obvious spouse, significant other or partner.  I came to realize that my cracks began with my mom, the next cracks were my grandparents, next was my father and my auntie. Sometimes things are just a slow burn into there is nothing left.


Last night (well this morning, had a case of insomnia) I did something I have been wanting to do for a long time, I wrote my ex-fiancé a letter sharing with him some things that I needed to get off my chest, if you are wondering NO he didn't call the wedding off, I did! 


Sometimes, you have to make hard choices in your life and those hard choices constitute doing things that are going to set you up to be a happier person for you and those around you PERMANENTLY than -- just for someone TEMPORARILY.  I have shared once before that I am a single mom to a three-year old young man.  Becoming healthy is not an option for me it is a must!  I am obligated to guide my son and be the first example of love, joy and integrity and character for this young man.

I must teach him coping skills, how to balance and maneuver through life, how to breathe in the midst of the stench, how to wade through the muck, how to climb the rockiest mountains, to scale the highest trees and how to float in rough and high tides!  Character is not something that can be bought or taught it is something embedded deep with in and obtained as we charter the course of life.  Our character is constantly being tested and growing.  I want my son to say my Mom, was the best teacher that I had in this journey of life not because he feels he has to but because he honestly believes it.  With him being one of my driving forces, I have opted to due have some soul surgery and let God and his wonderful earthly angels put Humpty Dumpty back together again. 

I am on my path, I might be slew-footing it but hey I am on that path and each step gets easier as I put one foot in front of the other. Smile for me today if you think of me and know that my rainbow is just beyond that horizon...blessings to you all and have a gloriously fantastic Thanksgiving for we ALL have something to be thankful for I know I do!! 







20 November, 2010

Secrets of the spirit...





Isn't it amazing the power of the brain to completely block out issues as if they never even occur?  Funny how when you sit people watching it seems that people are effortlessly moving through life, then others are struggling just to walk several feet, then their others that are standing so still that you would assume them to be a mime.  These particular people "the mimes" have mastered the art of standing still so long they have even fooled you into believing that they are indeed moving, only because their surroundings are in constant transition so they must be moving, right? WRONG?!

I've got a confession to make...I'm a mime!  I don't know when I stopped moving but somewhere along life I did.  My spirit just stopped.  Just like a dead battery that gives you no forewarning that it is losing charge, you just go to use a certain device a remote control, camera, car, watch and just at that moment it stopped working unexpectedly.  When you become a mime you become very masterful in masking your emotion, almost like Marcel Marceau. You move with the ebb and flow of life, yet you are still as quiet.

I've got another confession to make...I have a broken spirit.  I think we tend to dull our issues down because nobody likes a whiner or complainer. Nobody likes a kill joy or Debbie Downer.  Yet the only thing I know is that for my soul to heal is I must say, Hello my name is Fawn, and I have a broken spirit.  If I had to pin-point one moment in my life that maybe began the initial crack which progressed to a completely broken soul, I would have to say 1 April, 1984.  What happened that day?  My mother, passed away of a brain aneurysm at the ripe young age of 34.  I believe I have been on Auto-pilot since I have been 11 years old. That is 26 long long years.  There were subsequent other things that resulted in a full broken vessel, but all those things are too painful to discuss let alone has any place on a blog. 

I like my world quiet, without ruffles.  I'm a plain Jane.  I like vanilla yogurt.  I like plain water.   I like white rice.  I like a natural look, nothing to colorful.  I'm just a no frills kinda girl.  Nothing over the top, over stated or dramatic.  Keep it simple!  I don't venture out in life anymore.  I people watch and admire the joy they exude. I don't smile inside any more.  I don't laugh outwardly any more, I don't feel life as beautiful any more, I guess I question "did I ever?"  My soul aches like old bones needing a good massage.  My soul is sore from holding hurt and standing on pause so long, like when you have a fever intially your body is just full of heat but eventually from having such an elevated temperature your body begins to ache from all the heat.  The SICK heat.  My soul is sick.  A person once asked me, "Do we ever really forgive or do we just move on in life -- avoiding the issue(s)?"  I believe that to be a personal question we all must answer, for only we know ourselves if you have truly forgiven or if you have avoided issues.  We like to sound all Iyanla Vanzant/Dr. Phil'ish" and say yes we have forgiven, yes we are happy, whole and healed.

Truth is every one of us - carries our baggage with us -- and that baggage just waits for the prime opportunity to pop out.

I encourage you all "To thine own self be true"  be honest with your self and don't be afraid to admit you are flawed.  However, once you admit it, NOW you have to begin the road to wellness so you may have that healthy, happy, whole soul.  As I seek to bring balance back into my life after 26 years, I laugh at the irony of how I have a tattoo of a yin and yang symbol on my shoulder.  I have always professed to be such a complete and whole person yet, I became so deep in my issues that I began to fool my ownself.  No, you don't half to do your self evaluation as I am. However, I earnestly want to do better and be better and with that comes a responsibility to be committed to myself.  
 
How can I fix me when it is me who needs the the fixing?

Fixing oneself, ha! a paradox within itself!  


I can not fix me is the answer. 


So I reach out and I explore those methods to wholeness that will help me.  My faith is one of the items that is helping me, my son is another, good honest and TRUSTING friends is another and lastly a good psychologist!  Can I interrupt the regularly scheduled program to tell you how hard it is to have liked living your world in quietness, natural colors and no frills for 23 years all to have a 3 year old who likes LOUD, bright, over the top items?  You see my 3 year old LOVES life!  


He isn't broken like mommy.  

Many are afraid to admit that they need counseling in any form.  Many feel others will judge you for going to a counselor and you are right.  People WILL judge you, say nasty things to you, make smart remarks, and all sorts of things. Those people are THE ONES you must quickly eliminate from your life, because those people are the ones who are too ashamed to admit they too need counseling on some level or another!!!  
Just as a car needs a regular tune-up the human mind needs the same thing.  Do you realize people go through this whole life sometimes anywhere between 80-100 years and NEVER get serviced??  Makes you wonder how crazy they really are even if you "THINK" they are sane.  During those years, those same people will tell you that they had to find a way to manage/cope through life. Whether that was "leaning on Jesus", or "taking a sip every now and again", there was a method that they used to help with their madness.   

I leave you with this India Arie video "Get it together" there are no truer words being sung.

Don't you just love music therapy or what I also call music ministry, because music truly ministers to my soul?!

28 October, 2010

A blues for Nikkie...i.e ME

So you're wondering who Nikkie is, well Nikkie is short for Nicole which is my middle name and what my daddy used to call me (shouts out to the Daddy's Girls)...any how...I sometimes feel my alter ego is Nikkie. 

Nikkie is the exuberant, jubilant, optimistic "hope springs eternal" side of me that no matter what Fawn goes through, Nikkie always sees the silver lining and can turn the frown upside down.  

Well lately, that is just is not the case.  I know I am really down in the dirty dumps when me nor my alter ego(you'd think I was schizophrenic the way I am referring to my middle name) can find a way to really sing like a sparrow. 

I have always been that person that could inspire, encourage and breathe some sense into people. I pride myself on seeding into people's souls on a regular basis -- but what happens when those same people are not there to help prune and turn the soil in your garden so it can be seeded???  I am not and have not always been that person needing other's approval or inspiring words for what I have going on in my life, BUT I will say when you hit your all time low -- it sure feels good to have people to want to come by and brush the dust off, smile at you, say some calming words or maybe even take you to lunch just because they are concerned.

All I have is

CRICKETS.  

If you listen closely, you will hear them chirping

I want...aww shucks I don't know what I want but I know it would help to have someone be my "Brother to the Night" now that I can admit as a woman when you are pushing through your madness and you are single sometimes it sure helps to have your attention diverted from the foolery around you by an intelligent, fantastically smelling, concerned MALE.  Your girlfriends are good but at times to know you are adored, appreciated, valued and respected just because you are Gods phenomenal creature called woman by a man, sure is 

NICE :)

So, I keep on keeping on and pushing through until I have my breakthrough and try to recapture the loving feeling so Nikkie can share her happiness with the world again.

**reference if you are unfamiliar with The Brother to Night, A Blues for Nina check out the movie Love Jones**

25 September, 2010

Judgement Day...





**Well first I want to say, it is has been 8 months since I last visited my blog.  I could write some creative excuse, however honestly I have not felt inspired or motivated.  I didn't really feel like sharing the ups & downs of everyday life.  So you ask, well what prompted you to write today? Don't know, just knew I needed an area to get it out.**


At every phase in our lives we will be judged whether we want to or not.  You are judged in the womb, whether you are a reactive baby to specific things or if you are constantly moving.  Little Johnny will obviously love (fill in the blank) music because he just moves all around every time he hears it.  Little Amy will not like (fill in the blank) food because she keeps me up all night every time I eat it.  Fast forward to your preschool years its evident that Julius will become a musical protégé since his scribbling are indicative of composing.  Elementary school: Winona is going to have a type A personality because her homework, books and desk is always perfect.  She also has issues when things are not done within a certain timeline.  High school: Edward, is going to be a loser and drop out since he constantly sleeps through class and never responds when called upon. College:  Ramona,  will definitely be a successful, well known business woman because of (fill in the blank).


All your life you will constantly be judged for one reason or another.  Judging is perfectly fine when it fits within the parameters of things we find acceptable or positive.  


HOWEVER, when that judging is deemed critical or negative that is when we yell NOT FAIR!




















If you are a follower of the Bible, which I am it says "By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them." Matthew 7: 16-20 

To that I like to add "so don't get angry when I survey your fruit!!!" hey I am not trying to add to God's word but I'm just saying...




I personally don't mind being judged, it is when that judgement is based on empirical data, stereotype or ignorance when I begin to take issue with being judged.  People have always applied their own labels to me, some assume that I am "stuck-up", "condescending", "wealthy", "insensitive", "user", "too sensitive", "weak", "easily intimidated" "calculated", "spiteful" the list goes on and on and those are just the "negative" comments.  I am not going out of my way to disprove your thoughts because honestly it is evident that you do not know me as well as you claim.


Judging does get to me though, especially when I share with you personal information about me and instead of you being an educated & humane thinker you choose to regress into a bigoted primitive person in your thoughts.  In today's society things evolve in minutes, gone are the days where it takes days and weeks for things to change. What you may know at  7am has changed by 715am.  In the age of  Twitter, Facebook, Internet Messaging, I phones, Blackberry's Skype and etc...media/knowledge changes so instantly that we don't have time to sometimes absorb what you initially knew.


In today's society ignorance or responding in an ignorant way is not acceptable.  


If you can take time to write a Facebook/Twitter status you can take time to research the subject that you are about to say/leave a negative comment about. If you can text someone, purchase an item on the internet, operate a computer, run, skip or jump you STILL don't have the right to remain ignorant on ANY subject unless it is molecular biology or the effective schematic of how to reroute a binary ISP, LOL!!! 


Simply:  There is no reason ANY person should be or RESPOND ignorantly to any given subject at hand unless it is some analytical/theoretical graduate course that makes no Godly sense.


We no longer should look to others to police our thoughts or actions.  We must and are required to police ourselves when we are wrong, especially when you KNOW you are wrong. 


Whether you choose to admit it or not is not the question.  


If there is something that you do not understand or don't have full information on, take time to go to that same internet that you get your jollies on and look it up in-depthly.  Take some time to really learn something about it and then formulate your views.  Having knowledge on something is exclusive to opinion.  Why? Because the facts remain the same no matter who voices their views on that same fact. How you argue your opinion or persuade someone of your opinion does not remove the facts of an issue/item.


So with all this said, I would hope to encourage people to seriously think about the ramifications of what you say when you open your mouth to others on their personal lives especially when that mouth is speaking ignorantly on a subject they have not given due study to.  Not only do you offend the one you have exposed your foolery to but you just might end up becoming even more offended by the words that are directed back at you.  I pride myself on being very particular with my words so as not to INTENTIONALLY insult a person.  I always say, "I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I will NOT apologize for how I feel about a subject. However I will apologize if what I said hurt you because that never is/was my intent"  


Lastly and very importantly, people seriously take the time to learn something about the subject you're speaking on -- you may find, that what you THINK you know is completely untrue, unfounded or has been disproved.  


Then who is the one standing with egg on their face?? 

03 January, 2010

Confliction vs. Conviction

Hello everyone.

Happy New Year and all that jazz.  This is my first blog of 2010 and you will never understand how much turmoil I have been in -- to write this blog.  mental strife is so much more overwhelming than physical strife.  The power the mind has to propel you forward and accomplish things OR to allow you to remain stagnate and not do anything is boggling.

I have been going through so much mental anguish that I can not begin to detail it all or should I say rather not detail it.  I want to discuss with you conviction vs. confliction.  I truly have been in mental conflict for the past several months, it might even be a true reach to say for several years now.  I mentioned to a family member that I cried more in 2009 than all the years of my adult life; 2009 definitely was a mental challenge.  Now that we are at the beginning of 2010 I implore you to seriously evaluate where you are, where you are traveling from and where you are traveling to.

Be honest with yourself - for how can you ask others to live in their authenticity if you are not the first to do so.

Confliction vs. Conviction


conflict
n [ˈkɒnflɪkt]
1. a struggle or clash between opposing forces; battle
2. a state of opposition between ideas, interests, etc.; disagreement or controversy


conviction [kənˈvɪkʃən]
n
1. the state or appearance of being convinced
2. a fixed or firmly held belief, opinion, etc


As we move into the first Monday of 2010, many of you are venturing back to your regular lifestyles returning from holiday with family and friends, I ask you to think about the above words and determine what is causing conflict in your life.  When something/someone has you annoyed, irritated, frustrated, restless/losing sleep, stressed or just plain unhappy it is time to remove it permanently from your life.  I know the aforementioned sounds so much simpler than it really is but all it takes is one step at a time.  


While I am typing this, I am doing the same thing.  I have been unemployed since June'09.  When I say my Lord has carried me through this time - it is the bold honest truth.


If you have never been a believer then maybe my blog will help you.  All I have cash wise coming into my home every single month since June '09 is $460/mth in child support and through his grace I have been shifting that money around robbing Paul to pay Peter as my grandmother would say. This month, I am registered to go back to school to obtain my Paralegal degree, how is it going to get paid, I don't know.  


What I do know is I am not going to pick back up the baggage of stress anymore.  


I have been convicted to know that truly if I do my part with every honest effort that God will sustain and take care of the rest. At some point in your life your conviction which is also synonymous with faith has to be so unwavering that you know God will never leave you or forsake you.


I have found that when your conviction is stronger than your confliction you will rest easier and have the peace that surpasses all others.  However, when your confliction is stronger than your conviction you will continue to pick up that baggage of stress and dufflebags of worry.  


Yes, it is very hard not to be concerned about your situation, as we speak if I do not come up with money by Monday I will be evicted but I know I have honestly done all I can do -- I have to truly let fate rest in God's hands and let life play out.  I can not manipulate anything to work in my favor, it is what it is and what will be will be with no help from me.


So as we go into the new year I ask which is stronger for you?


Your confliction?
or
Your conviction?


Determine what is your driving force OR what is driving you? Take back the control that you relinquished to doubt, worry, people or circumstances.  Make a short-term weekly plan and stick to it.  When you are overwhelmed with life it is hard to realize the sun is guiding you and lighting your way opposed to blinding you and making you hot.  The journey is going to feel like an uphill battle and you are going to want to quit; when others are unsupportive keep moving forward inspite of.  Challenge yourself to silently move in life and not speak of all that you are doing -- let your actions provide revelation of your accomplishments opposed to your words.  Most of all stay prayerful and not envious of what you see other's have, what is best for you will come in your time and designed uniquely for you.  

Have a fantastic beginning of the year.  Make sure you are building a strong foundation for the days, weeks and months to come.

Happy New Year!


**UPDATE**   **UPDATE**   **UPDATE**   **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE** 
So through God's blessing and grace, I was able to remain in my apartment.  They are working with me considering it is no longer a large balance and on the basis I have been living in this community for such a long time.  God's grace is sufficient for thee.  When you are going through again, Honestly and Earnestly do all you can and our God will definitely provide your NEEDS. 
5 Jan, 2010
**UPDATE**   **UPDATE**   **UPDATE**   **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places" (Ephesians 6:12)