03 January, 2010

Confliction vs. Conviction

Hello everyone.

Happy New Year and all that jazz.  This is my first blog of 2010 and you will never understand how much turmoil I have been in -- to write this blog.  mental strife is so much more overwhelming than physical strife.  The power the mind has to propel you forward and accomplish things OR to allow you to remain stagnate and not do anything is boggling.

I have been going through so much mental anguish that I can not begin to detail it all or should I say rather not detail it.  I want to discuss with you conviction vs. confliction.  I truly have been in mental conflict for the past several months, it might even be a true reach to say for several years now.  I mentioned to a family member that I cried more in 2009 than all the years of my adult life; 2009 definitely was a mental challenge.  Now that we are at the beginning of 2010 I implore you to seriously evaluate where you are, where you are traveling from and where you are traveling to.

Be honest with yourself - for how can you ask others to live in their authenticity if you are not the first to do so.

Confliction vs. Conviction

n [ˈkɒnflɪkt]
1. a struggle or clash between opposing forces; battle
2. a state of opposition between ideas, interests, etc.; disagreement or controversy

conviction [kənˈvɪkʃən]
1. the state or appearance of being convinced
2. a fixed or firmly held belief, opinion, etc

As we move into the first Monday of 2010, many of you are venturing back to your regular lifestyles returning from holiday with family and friends, I ask you to think about the above words and determine what is causing conflict in your life.  When something/someone has you annoyed, irritated, frustrated, restless/losing sleep, stressed or just plain unhappy it is time to remove it permanently from your life.  I know the aforementioned sounds so much simpler than it really is but all it takes is one step at a time.  

While I am typing this, I am doing the same thing.  I have been unemployed since June'09.  When I say my Lord has carried me through this time - it is the bold honest truth.

If you have never been a believer then maybe my blog will help you.  All I have cash wise coming into my home every single month since June '09 is $460/mth in child support and through his grace I have been shifting that money around robbing Paul to pay Peter as my grandmother would say. This month, I am registered to go back to school to obtain my Paralegal degree, how is it going to get paid, I don't know.  

What I do know is I am not going to pick back up the baggage of stress anymore.  

I have been convicted to know that truly if I do my part with every honest effort that God will sustain and take care of the rest. At some point in your life your conviction which is also synonymous with faith has to be so unwavering that you know God will never leave you or forsake you.

I have found that when your conviction is stronger than your confliction you will rest easier and have the peace that surpasses all others.  However, when your confliction is stronger than your conviction you will continue to pick up that baggage of stress and dufflebags of worry.  

Yes, it is very hard not to be concerned about your situation, as we speak if I do not come up with money by Monday I will be evicted but I know I have honestly done all I can do -- I have to truly let fate rest in God's hands and let life play out.  I can not manipulate anything to work in my favor, it is what it is and what will be will be with no help from me.

So as we go into the new year I ask which is stronger for you?

Your confliction?
Your conviction?

Determine what is your driving force OR what is driving you? Take back the control that you relinquished to doubt, worry, people or circumstances.  Make a short-term weekly plan and stick to it.  When you are overwhelmed with life it is hard to realize the sun is guiding you and lighting your way opposed to blinding you and making you hot.  The journey is going to feel like an uphill battle and you are going to want to quit; when others are unsupportive keep moving forward inspite of.  Challenge yourself to silently move in life and not speak of all that you are doing -- let your actions provide revelation of your accomplishments opposed to your words.  Most of all stay prayerful and not envious of what you see other's have, what is best for you will come in your time and designed uniquely for you.  

Have a fantastic beginning of the year.  Make sure you are building a strong foundation for the days, weeks and months to come.

Happy New Year!

**UPDATE**   **UPDATE**   **UPDATE**   **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE** 
So through God's blessing and grace, I was able to remain in my apartment.  They are working with me considering it is no longer a large balance and on the basis I have been living in this community for such a long time.  God's grace is sufficient for thee.  When you are going through again, Honestly and Earnestly do all you can and our God will definitely provide your NEEDS. 
5 Jan, 2010
**UPDATE**   **UPDATE**   **UPDATE**   **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**  **UPDATE**

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places" (Ephesians 6:12)