23 November, 2010

The Road to Wellness...

Mental health issues can be such a touchy subject for so many people.  When you begin to discuss them most of the time you get statements like "We all are going through", "Just pray and put your trust in the Lord", "Somebodies situation is worse than yours", "Girl/Man, get over it ain't nobody trying to hear that" or you get Silence, where people now just Google eye you and think you are now mentally deranged for expressing your wounds.  They whisper about you, they try to pat your hand or rub your back like you are going to snap at any moment.  They laugh and mock you and throw shade at your situation, as I stated once before any one who does any of this you should run run run as fast as you can.  

Be careful and use discernment with whom you confide your innermost to!

YOU and you alone are accountable and responsible for your own mental health.  Every one's breaking point is not the same and don't expect the hands across America treatment.  

Do not expect empathy from any one ESPECIALLY NOT medical providers, church ministers/counselors, friends and/or family.  We live in a apathetic society where people are so caught up with the rat race in their own lives there is no room to even sit and ponder your woes.  So in this aspect I will say "don't cry, dry your eyes IN FRONT of them"  If you have to be weeping willow, do that in the comfort and quiet of your own home. But whatever you do, I encourage you to seek help.  Soul Pain and heart break is a rocky, rocky road to walk.  Sometimes we think that we have recovered from certain issues only to mask it with something else.  We have short attention spans these days so it is easy to lose focus and transfer it to something else ONLY to finally realize on the day that you need something that it has to be addressed.  Likened to you buy a carton of milk open it and leave it in the refrigerator to long and we you go to eat cereal,  you quickly realize it is spoiled! Only a fool, would put the milk back in the refrigerator!  The person with some sense would throw it out and go purchase another.  But how many times can you say you actually unconsciously did the foolish thing and sat that milk BACK in the refrigerator??  It hasn't happened often, but it has happened.  This is what we do with Soul Pain and Heart Break.  Let me also say heart break does not have to come from an intimate lover.  Heart break can most definitely come from a parent, relative, a child, and yes to the obvious spouse, significant other or partner.  I came to realize that my cracks began with my mom, the next cracks were my grandparents, next was my father and my auntie. Sometimes things are just a slow burn into there is nothing left.

Last night (well this morning, had a case of insomnia) I did something I have been wanting to do for a long time, I wrote my ex-fianc√© a letter sharing with him some things that I needed to get off my chest, if you are wondering NO he didn't call the wedding off, I did! 

Sometimes, you have to make hard choices in your life and those hard choices constitute doing things that are going to set you up to be a happier person for you and those around you PERMANENTLY than -- just for someone TEMPORARILY.  I have shared once before that I am a single mom to a three-year old young man.  Becoming healthy is not an option for me it is a must!  I am obligated to guide my son and be the first example of love, joy and integrity and character for this young man.

I must teach him coping skills, how to balance and maneuver through life, how to breathe in the midst of the stench, how to wade through the muck, how to climb the rockiest mountains, to scale the highest trees and how to float in rough and high tides!  Character is not something that can be bought or taught it is something embedded deep with in and obtained as we charter the course of life.  Our character is constantly being tested and growing.  I want my son to say my Mom, was the best teacher that I had in this journey of life not because he feels he has to but because he honestly believes it.  With him being one of my driving forces, I have opted to due have some soul surgery and let God and his wonderful earthly angels put Humpty Dumpty back together again. 

I am on my path, I might be slew-footing it but hey I am on that path and each step gets easier as I put one foot in front of the other. Smile for me today if you think of me and know that my rainbow is just beyond that horizon...blessings to you all and have a gloriously fantastic Thanksgiving for we ALL have something to be thankful for I know I do!! 

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