I was having a conversation with a new acquaintance and in our discussion I revealed that I had never been in-love. I know it is shocker, but for me I really had to really just be honest. I have had heightened emotions of like and concern but real love, no.
I think honestly if we sit and think about the times we say we were so in love with (fill in the blank), if you are honest with yourself you really were not in-love. You were captivated and infatuated with the aura and feelings associated with the relationship you were having at that moment.
I have come to realize I really desire to be in-love. I don't think it is weak or sad it's just a fact. I desire to be in a healthy, fun, mutually respected, deeply involved, loving relationship with a man that I can call my best-friend, lover and subsequent husband.
Ye this is one of those post but not one of THOSE post.
I am not some bitter woman recanting things of yore, I am however thinking of now and the future.
I am not imaginative or day dreaming on some black knight to come sweep me away. I enjoy my life and I know as time goes on it is going to do nothing but get better. I am patient, but that does not decrease my desire to have that special person in my life and sometimes it takes you having certain conversations for you to be able to acknowledge this fact without appearing whiny or envious.
My brother has been married 21 years and one of my other best friends has been married at least 8 years. Both of these couples are in their 30s and their mates are truly their closest friends. I have definitely been witness to some of their ups and downs and how they weathered through it all. My sister Leanna(really one of my best friends but the girl has been knowing me so long she might as well be my biological sister, LOL) and her husband Myron has taught me so much in terms of relationship dynamics -- shoot I still remember when they were dating! Interesting her husband Myron, is truly my brother -- he will knock you men out over me -- just giving you forewarning, LOL! The relevance in this when you have excellent examples of relationships that are built towards working marriages it gives you a model to look towards.
I believe it is ok to put out in the universe what your hearts desire is. I believe if it is pure and it is within Gods will that it will come into fruition. I also have a true desire to have a relationship with someone for once that is not Fedex overnight express -- meaning one week we're dating and the next week we are attached at the hip. I think in todays microwave society, it is socially accepted for you to connect with people faster that you can digest a meal. I will say because of all the technology associated with communication it does cut down on the amount of dating time that once was, because now you can stay in constant communication and learn each other much quicker that the past. However nothing can replace experiences, events and memories built together. Those are some of the foundations that relationships are built on -- those are the moments that when you are having challenging days you can reflect on things you have done together -- opposed to just texting, tweeting, calling one another or having sex.
Today you have more people building relationships solely or bedroom dynamics opposed to anything of substance. If there are 24 hours a day and you spend on average an hour in the bed together -- the remainder of the day you STILL have to have a strong method of communication. The problem is people spend NO time together and only come together with the intent of sleeping together and they are unable to have a healthy, balanced, common sense discussion with each other. When they finally really get to talking they realize they really don't like each other and they're only staying involved because of the sex. That has got to be a miserable eye-opener.
I am at an age in my life that I desire a relationship. I am not that woman that is going to be yelling you complete me or some mess.
I just want something that would allow me an opportunity to smile just a little more than I have been. So with that said, don't take this as some wimpy ass post about long lost love and crap because trust it is not -- I am definitely not reminiscing... I am just expressing a desire and I know my God will grant it in his time.
Your video of the week:
Wanna Be Loved - Jill Scott
The Real Thing: Words and Sounds, Vol. 3
12 February, 2011
On Monday, Feb 7th was my 38th birthday, I pause and allow you that moment to say
Happy Birthday, Fawn
LOL!!, Ok thank you, thank you very much. I bow in appreciation. I have mentioned before that I honestly never thought I would make it beyond my 34th birthday. Why do I say such a morbid statement? Well my mother passed at the young age of 34 from a brain aneurysm so I guess I just always felt that I would share the same fate. Amazing the foolish things we embed into our brains. Well I can honestly say I really didn't start living UNTIL 34!
At 34, I had my first child and for the past 3 years my life has been definitely a been love roller coaster.
My son has brought me so much joy and blessings within my life. I remember how before he was born, I was just so unhappy and how since he has entered this world not only has he brought "sunshine to my life" but so many others. When I learned I was pregnant I knew immediately what I would name him. As pregnant mom's we bounce all these names around and to be honest even before then. As women you dream of when you have children and pick out certain names; but I am here to tell you when that child gets here a lot of that gets scratched and thrown out the window, because as soon as you see your child's face -- you automatically know -- yes this is what your name will be.
I chose to name my son Dynzcil Benjamin Rhodes-Davis and before you incorrectly say his name let me help you, it sounds like PENCIL with a D. Now say it and look at it, as you can see and hear the pronunciation. People want to call my son DENZEL but he was not named after Mr. Denzel Washington, the honorable man he is, he was named after a more deserving man and that is my brother Keith. Dynzcil is my brother's middle name and he was named after my mother's favorite Uncle. Like my mother I chose to name my son's middle name after my favorite Uncle Carl Benjamin, Uncle Benny to me. My son has such a dynamic personality and he just draws people in even at three years old! I will not lie it his hard reeling him in sometimes but a child will be a child so I tend to let him have some leeway.
I look at Dynnie and he teaches me how to be free, how to be accepting, how to be loving, how to be patient, how to be limitless, how to smile, how to laugh. He also teaches me that life without structure will be chaos and we need discipline to keep us focused. He teaches me to follow through. He teaches me to be committed to whatever task or whatever I say. He teaches me possibilities and perseverance. Needless to say that it appears that he is teaching me more than I am teaching him. Who would've known that a year and 3 months after my son was born that Barack Hussein Obama II would be elected our first African American President. Whatever your political alliances are, it really does not matter for it will never ever take a way from this moment in history.
Our President is the embodiment of our ability to overcome what challenges lay before you and the manifestation of our forefathers dreams. When I look at the blessing that my son is to me and I look at the present, of who our President is. I see his past and my son's future all at once. For this to be February the so-called month of Love and Black History month -- the two tie in together just because of my love for my son and the historical relevance of our President both of them are young, gifted and black!
My son brings out the woman of excellence within me! He makes me walk tall, stand proud, and stare at the world and say "I am an overcomer!!" Sometimes I sit and think about of all I have gone through and how my God has been with me all the way. I am a survivor y'all and I am not ashamed to admit it. I am a survivor of verbal abuse, physical abuse, my own personal mental torments, economic challenges, health challenges, and just the ebb and flow of life. I walk into my future knowing that I am anointed for whatever call of duty that God has for me. I stand in my truth and force you to accept yours. Gone are the days of doubting who I am or where I am going. There is a peace in just accepting your role in life and the direction it is going.
The Year of the LORD’s Favor
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called mighty oaks,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
I am going to leave you with two video versions of young, gifted and black. Now I love my Nina Simone & Donny Hathway versions but since our Queen of Soul is facing health issues right now and in need of our prayers I selected Aretha Franklin. The other version is just a fun version by Don Baron that I remember hearing in the 80's
But wait there's more.....LOL! Here's what I'll do for ya! I"ll link the other's just in case you want to hear those instead.
I know, I know how nice of me :-)
Have a wonderful Valentines Day and Kiss & Hug somebody!
I'm going to be kissing Dynnie!
Young Gift and Black
- Nina Simone
- Donny Hathaway
- Bob and Marcia ((FOR JACKIE))
- Big Daddy Kane ((for us 90s Hip-Hop lovers))