22 February, 2011


I was having a conversation with a new acquaintance and in our discussion I revealed that I had never been in-love. I know it is shocker, but for me I really had to really just be honest. I have had heightened emotions of like and concern but real love, no.

I think honestly if we sit and think about the times we say we were so in love with (fill in the blank), if you are honest with yourself you really were not in-love. You were captivated and infatuated with the aura and feelings associated with the relationship you were having at that moment.

I have come to realize I really desire to be in-love. I don't think it is weak or sad it's just a fact. I desire to be in a healthy, fun, mutually respected, deeply involved, loving relationship with a man that I can call my best-friend, lover and subsequent husband.

Ye this is one of those post but not one of THOSE post.

I am not some bitter woman recanting things of yore, I am however thinking of now and the future.

I am not imaginative or day dreaming on some black knight to come sweep me away. I enjoy my life and I know as time goes on it is going to do nothing but get better. I am patient, but that does not decrease my desire to have that special person in my life and sometimes it takes you having certain conversations for you to be able to acknowledge this fact without appearing whiny or envious.

My brother has been married 21 years and one of my other best friends has been married at least 8 years. Both of these couples are in their 30s and their mates are truly their closest friends. I have definitely been witness to some of their ups and downs and how they weathered through it all. My sister Leanna(really one of my best friends but the girl has been knowing me so long she might as well be my biological sister, LOL) and her husband Myron has taught me so much in terms of relationship dynamics -- shoot I still remember when they were dating! Interesting her husband Myron, is truly my brother -- he will knock you men out over me -- just giving you forewarning, LOL! The relevance in this when you have excellent examples of relationships that are built towards working marriages it gives you a model to look towards.

I believe it is ok to put out in the universe what your hearts desire is.  I believe if it is pure and it is within Gods will that it will come into fruition.  I also have a true desire to have a relationship with someone for once that is not Fedex overnight express -- meaning one week we're dating and the next week we are attached at the hip.  I think in todays microwave society, it is socially accepted for you to connect with people faster that you can digest a meal.  I will say because of all the technology associated with communication it does cut down on the amount of dating time that once was, because now you can stay in constant communication and learn each other much quicker that the past.  However nothing can replace experiences, events and memories built together.  Those are some of the foundations that relationships are built on -- those are the moments that when you are having challenging days you can reflect on things you have done together -- opposed to just texting, tweeting, calling one another or having sex.  

Today you have more people building relationships solely or bedroom dynamics opposed to anything of substance.  If there are 24 hours a day and you spend on average an hour in the bed together -- the remainder of the day you STILL have to have a strong method of communication.  The problem is people spend NO time together and only come together with the intent of sleeping together and they are unable to have a healthy, balanced, common sense discussion with each other.  When they finally really get to talking they realize they really don't like each other and they're only staying involved because of the sex.  That has got to be a miserable eye-opener.

I am at an age in my life that I desire a relationship.  I am not that woman that is going to be yelling you complete me or some mess. 

I just want something that would allow me an opportunity to smile  just a little more than I have been.  So with that said, don't take this as some wimpy ass post about long lost love and crap because trust it is not -- I am definitely not reminiscing... I am just expressing a desire and I know my God will grant it in his time.


Your video of the week:  
Wanna Be Loved - Jill Scott 
The Real Thing: Words and Sounds, Vol. 3


  1. Dang Fawn, Ive had that same revelation recently as well. Ive loved, I have love for my son's mother, but I was never in love with her nor any other woman.

    I completely understand where you are coming from, we seem to be running quite parallel at times mama :)

  2. Fawn you truly have a gift of expression that is truly PRICELESS!! I am going to find an editor at Essence because the world needs to see your gift! Your blogs are not only a reflection of your pure soul but emotions we all can relate to. I do have a correction to your blog though. You have experienced LOVE first from GOD then in the eyes of your son. God is love!