29 May, 2012


My devotional came from Rev 3 this morning. 

Everyone wants or desires a new start or even RE-start in all we do. Sometimes as we go through our lives we make decisions that begin to cause errors in your life. Like a computer, your life freezes, will not move forward unless you do ctrl-alt-dlt and start all over again. Sometimes from visiting certain sites your computer has acquired viruses and so many errors that you have to do a cleanse and place a virus protection on your computer. 

View your life as the computer. View the errors and viruses as the people, places and things that have come into your life causing issues. View the re-start as your commitment to Christ and lastly view the Virus Protection package as Jesus Christ. Your Redeemer

Revelation 3
1. “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Sardis. This is the message from the one who has the sevenfold Spiritt of God and the seven stars: “I know all the things you do, and that you have a reputation for being alive—but you are dead. 2 Wake up! Strengthen what little remains, for even what is left is almost dead. I find that your actions do not meet the requirements of my God. 3 Go back to what you heard and believed at first; hold to it firmly. Repent and turn to me again. If you don’t wake up, I will come to you suddenly, as unexpected as a thief. 4 “Yet there are some in the church in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes with evil. They will walk with me in white, for they are worthy. 5 All who are victorious will be clothed in white. I will never erase their names from the Book of Life, but I will announce before my Father and his angels that they are mine. 6 “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches. 7 “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Philadelphia. This is the message from the one who is holy and true, the one who has the key of David. What he opens, no one can close; and what he closes, no one can open 8 “I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can close. You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny me. 9 Look, I will force those who belong to Satan’s synagogue—those liars who say they are Jews but are not—to come and bow down at your feet. They will acknowledge that you are the ones I love.10 “Because you have obeyed my command to persevere, I will protect you from the great time of testing that will come upon the whole world to test those who belong to this world.

11 I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take away your crown.12 All who are victorious will become pillars in the Temple of my God, and they will never have to leave it. And I will write on them the name of my God, and they will be citizens in the city of my God—the new Jerusalem that comes down from heaven from my God. And I will also write on them my new name.13 “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.14 “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Laodicea. This is the message from the one who is the Amen—the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God’s new creation: 15 “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other!16 But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! 17 You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked.18 So I advise you to buy gold from me—gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see.19 I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.20 “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.

21 Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne.22 “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.”

28 May, 2012

What is Love?

What is Love?

HA! I can only sit here and laugh!!!! When I think of how my God works man, WOO! Just man - so I turn the page and READ Isaiah 49 and ha we serve an awesome almighty God. 

He so gave me confirmation about a task I have been commissioned to do for the last month and half -- man its something to do something you do not want to do but you do it out of obedience NOT willingly. How I felt there was NO purpose or reason for it! But the more I have been doing it -- the more I see why God called me to take on this task. But he said if we stay committed to him he will RESTORE all things to us even greater than once was.

I have had said time and time again I have never been in love - even said it yesterday! Oh how that is so not true. Reading this passage, shows me that God created me to Love him and man do I. I kept getting confused earthly, male/female intimacy with what God has been showing me and teaching me all this time. Is 49:16 says See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands. Always in my mind is a picture of Jerusalem’s walls in ruins.

Telling me I am ALWAYS in his mind, always in HIS hands. That is a deep love. God has been teaching me what Love is so I can be in a place to show someone else his Love also. Love can be such a confusing word and emotion - however I am committed to not allow it be that way for me any longer. I see now -- what he has been trying to show me for so very long. Funny when and how we have those epiphany moments.

This passage also talks about our children and the promises he has for them. Providing safety, security and covering of them. 

(New Living Translation) Isaiah 49 1 Listen to me, all you in distant lands! Pay attention, you who are far away! The LORD called me before my birth; from within the womb he called me by name.2 He made my words of judgment as sharp as a sword. He has hidden me in the shadow of his hand.
I am like a sharp arrow in his quiver.3 He said to me, “You are my servant, Israel, and you will bring me glory.”4 I replied, “But my work seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose. Yet I leave it all in the LORD’s hand; I will trust God for my reward.”5 And now the LORD speaks—the one who formed me in my mother’s womb to be his servant, who commissioned me to bring Israel back to him. The LORD has honored me, and my God has given me strength.6 He says, “You will do more than restore the people of Israel to me. I will make you a light to the Gentiles, and you will bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.”7 The LORD, the Redeemer and Holy One of Israel, says to the one who is despised and rejected by the nations, to the one who is the servant of rulers:
“Kings will stand at attention when you pass by. Princes will also bow low
because of the LORD, the faithful one, the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you.” 8 This is what the LORD says: “At just the right time, I will respond to you. On the day of salvation I will help you. I will protect you and give you to the people as my covenant with them. Through you I will reestablish the land of Israel and assign it to its own people again.9 I will say to the prisoners, ‘Come out in freedom,’ and to those in darkness, ‘Come into the light.’ They will be my sheep, grazing in green pastures and on hills that were previously bare.10 They will neither hunger nor thirst. The searing sun will not reach them anymore. For the LORD in his mercy will lead them;
he will lead them beside cool waters.

11 And I will make my mountains into level paths for them. The highways will be raised above the valleys.12 See, my people will return from far away, from lands to the north and west, and from as far south as Egypt.t”13 Sing for joy, O heavens! Rejoice, O earth! Burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD has comforted his people and will have compassion on them in their suffering.14 Yet Jerusalem says, “The LORD has deserted us; the Lord has forgotten us.”15 “Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!16 See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.
Always in my mind is a picture of Jerusalem’s walls in ruins.17 Soon your descendants will come back, and all who are trying to destroy you will go away.18 Look around you and see, for all your children will come back to you. As surely as I live,” says the LORD, “they will be like jewels or bridal ornaments for you to display.19 “Even the most desolate parts of your abandoned land will soon be crowded with your people. Your enemies who enslaved you will be far away.20 The generations born in exile will return and say, ‘We need more room! It’s crowded here!’

21 Then you will think to yourself, ‘Who has given me all these descendants? For most of my children were killed, and the rest were carried away into exile. I was left here all alone. Where did all these people come from? Who bore these children? Who raised them for me?’”22 This is what the Sovereign LORD says: “See, I will give a signal to the godless nations.
They will carry your little sons back to you in their arms; they will bring your daughters on their shoulders.23 Kings and queens will serve you and care for all your needs. They will bow to the earth before you and lick the dust from your feet. Then you will know that I am the LORD. Those who trust in me will never be put to shame.”24 Who can snatch the plunder of war from the hands of a warrior? Who can demand that a tyrantt let his captives go?25 But the LORD says, “The captives of warriors will be released, and the plunder of tyrants will be retrieved. For I will fight those who fight you, and I will save your children.26 I will feed your enemies with their own flesh. They will be drunk with rivers of their own blood. All the world will know that I, the LORD, am your Savior and your Redeemer,the Mighty One of Israel.”

Talking to Me

So as I was in prayer this morning, reading my devotional. God really was talking to me about where I am in regards to my commitment to him.

My faith for me is what sustains me, however I wonder -- when people view me what do they truly see or perceive of me. I feel there are times, more often than not that I straddle the fence by the choice of words I use (profanity), the videos, memes, pictures, comments or music that I post. When I read Isaiah 48 this morning - boy oh boy did God bring it home for me.

I encourage you to evaluate your commitment. How much does it mean to you? No, do not do something to "become" more "saintly" but just walk into the walk that God has FOR YOU. When you do this - you will not be perceived to be more or less than who God has asked you to be.

Isaiah 48 (New Living Translation)

1 “Listen to me, O family of Jacob, you who are called by the name of Israel
and born into the family of Judah. Listen, you who take oaths in the name of the LORD and call on the God of Israel. You don’t keep your promises, 2 even though you call yourself the holy city and talk about depending on the God of Israel, whose name is the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. 3 Long ago I told you what was going to happen. Then suddenly I took action, and all my predictions came true. 4 For I know how stubborn and obstinate you are. Your necks are as unbending as iron. Your heads are as hard as bronze. 5 That is why I told you what would happen; I told you beforehand what I was going to do. Then you could never say, ‘My idols did it. My wooden image and metal god commanded it to happen!’ 6 You have heard my predictions and seen them fulfilled, but you refuse to admit it. Now I will tell you new things, secrets you have not yet heard. 7 They are brand new, not things from the past. So you cannot say, ‘We knew that all the time!’ 8 “Yes, I will tell you of things that are entirely new, things you never heard of before. For I know so well what traitors you are. 9. You have been rebels from birth. Yet for my own sake and for the honor of my name, I will hold back my anger and not wipe you out.10 I have refined you, but not as silver is refined.
Rather, I have refined you in the furnace of suffering.

11 I will rescue you for my sake— yes, for my own sake! I will not let my reputation be tarnished, and I will not share my glory with idols! 12 “Listen to me, O family of Jacob, Israel my chosen one! I alone am God, the First and the Last.13 It was my hand that laid the foundations of the earth, my right hand that spread out the heavens above. When I call out the stars, they all appear in order.”14 Have any of your idols ever told you this? Come, all of you, and listen: The LORD has chosen Cyrus as his ally. He will use him to put an end to the empire of Babylon and to destroy the Babylonian Armies.15 “I have said it: I am calling Cyrus! I will send him on this errand and will help him succeed.16 Come closer, and listen to this. From the beginning I have told you plainly what would happen.” And now the Sovereign LORD and his Spirit have sent me with this message.17 This is what the LORD says—your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow.18 Oh, that you had listened to my commands! Then you would have had peace flowing like a gentle river and righteousness rolling over you like waves in the sea.19 Your descendants would have been like the sands along the seashore—too many to count! There would have been no need for your destruction, or for cutting off your family name. ”20 Yet even now, be free from your captivity! Leave Babylon and the Babylonians.Sing out this message! Shout it to the ends of the earth! The LORD has redeemed his servants, the people of Israel.

21 They were not thirsty when he led them through the desert. He divided the rock, and water gushed out for them to drink.22 “But there is no peace for the wicked,” says the LORD.

17 May, 2012

Graduation Day

I Samuel 26-28: Sir, do you remember me?” Hannah asked. “I am the woman who stood here several years ago praying to the LORD.27 I asked the LORD to give me this boy, and he has granted my request. 28 Now I am giving him to the LORD, and he will belong to the LORD his whole life.” And theyt worshiped the LORD there.

So today was a very challenging day. Not for any particular reason other than this cold is still trying to snuff me out AND I really did not want to go to see my son graduate from Pre-K. Today I realized that my baby is really a BOY -- which means next stop is soon to be a Man. As a single mom, I always think about what Dynnie is missing without having his father in his life. Should I have fought to keep the relationship, should I have stayed just so he can have a Male Role Model. I want so much better for both of us. I want to be the type of Mom that he can say "He is Proud I am his Mom and FRIEND". I want him to be able to be a balanced, talented, cultured, intelligent, educated, respectful, grounded spiritual man. 

As a parent you are constantly questioning if you are doing the right thing. Disciplining the right way. Teaching the correct values. Grooming them for success. Instilling a spiritual foundation and morals into your child. 

I think about the unresolved issues in my life from financial to emotional and wonder - what steps do I need to make to not allow my son to share in my bad decisions. It pains me to know that, I have so much more to do in such a short time -- to teach my son the values of a Man. Four now yet in fourteen years, he will be eighteen, years old! Time flies by!! All I can do is just keep my hand in Gods hand, ask for true guidance and release my fear to the Lord. For those that our not people of faith, it is NOT my intent to offend. I just have to seek what I know will help bring peace of mind and joy in my life, for me that is my relationship with God. So I say this to say, if you are a person of faith. do not pray for me, pray for a continued covering over my son's life. I want to not just be a Godly Mom - but a Godly woman. So he can know -- the character of woman he should select for his life.

14 May, 2012

The Burden of Love

I can truly say that I have NEVER been in Love. Oh, I cared a lot about my son's father, but if I am honest that relationship was more out of convenience and acceptance than based on true love, at least what I was giving. 

John 15: 9-13 NLT 9 “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love.10 When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love.11 I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!12 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

I never thought of what or how God's love manifest itself in people or compels people. I only saw God from a Fatherly perspective not from an intimate or endearing type of love. I know the Lord admonishes us to "love" our fellow man, for years I have always thought, "Ok, I can do that" foolishly. 

Recently, God placed upon my heart to truly unselfishly, unrequitedly, unequally love someone without expectation or thought. This has been one of my biggest emotional and spiritual challenges to date. I got so wrapped up in praying and asking God to send "His desired" person for me, that I completely missed that he was calling me to do the same for some else without questioning why. I have to tell you, to say this is a challenge is really short-changing on describing how this is effecting my emotional, mental and spiritual life. I am in constant daily prayer for this person ALL DAY, I honestly don't even sleep well God wakes me up -- to pray for this person at all hours of the night. I am confused at what God is having me do and why me? I am annoyed that am feeling emotions that I have never felt and they are so heavy on my heart that they cause me to cry daily! I am angry with myself because I feel I should not feel such frustration and I shouldn't be fighting God on this task. But it is so so hard!!! When communicating with them, I have no idea even what to say anymore or even how to interact because of the calling God has placed on me. 

Let me tell you what I know, when GOD calls you to honestly do something -- you undoubtedly know. It is the why's, that gets us caught up. I keep saying "Why me, Lord?!" , "Why now?!" , "Why them?!" , "Why, why, why?!"

I am re-reading a book I purchased some years ago -- I know it will bring me solace in this situation.
I ask you to pray for me as I do what he has called me to do. 

My Prayer: Father God, I am but a sinner. As I commit myself to this act of sacrifice, I ask you to give me the strength to be a good Steward of the Love that you have overwhelming placed on my heart to Love this person. I ask you to grant me peace of mind and a calm spirit. I ask you to allow me to feel the joy and freedom in this love and not continue to view it as a burden. Let me bold and courageous in this task. Give me YOUR eyes so I may look upon this person in Love. To see the task you have placed before me as a gift and NOT a burden. To be grateful to have been chosen to embark upon this special task. I ask you to give me YOUR mind to think with YOUR thoughts and convey your words. Let this person become whole and healed. And feel the blessing that you have bestowed upon them in this love. AMEN

A one-sided love, I wonder is this how God feels every day when he Loves us and we barely even think to give that Love back to him. When I think about it, maybe that is what he is teaching me. Teaching me how he loves us.

12 May, 2012

Just As I Am

Just got in from church about two hours ago and service for me -- was so touching. One of the assistant Ministers spoke on Mother's of course. Specifically how there are a whole host of Mothers that need "Mothering". How they are tapped out spiritually, emotionally and physically. How you see a smile on some's face and you never know the volume of pain they are in. She made a point to say that this is also applicable for Men and Women without children but what makes it significant for Mothers is she is the vessel that has to pour into another's soul hourly and daily. 

The pressure to be the perfect good mother yet these same women have no one to Mother them, stand in the gap for them, love them unselfishly and without regard. Many will never understand my pain - so I move forward with a smile with no attempt to explain it or speak of it. I put love as my focus, healing in my words, and peace in my thoughts and press on. My minister prayed for me today. Elder Sparks has said to me on more than one occassion that she has a tender heart for me -- when I touched her hands today she could feel my pain because her tears came before her prayers. In my eyes, there are people experiencing or have experienced worse and I do not want anyone's sympathy, coddling or terms of encouragement. What I do want is to just be -- Not have my confessions deem I am weak. Not have someone wanting to put me back together again.Someone to love me just as I am, as the spiritual goes. There are so many of us that are hurt deeply whether man/woman, mother/father who are silent and will never admit it openly or even to anyone close to them. I want to encourage you that today is your day to know that if you feel that No one else empathizes with you. 

I do. I love you and will be there for you in whatever capacity that God will allow me to be. I ask you to take it moment by moment. Don't think about the next hours or tomorrow - just say Lord I need you to guide my next words or actions because I am to broken to do this. Just as he is guiding me - he will guide you also. There is strength in your tears. There is strength in that heart we feel to be broken. You may never ever "get over" the hurt but it will be more manageable, tolerable and give you the capacity to have total peace in your heart and mind. You can love and more importantly you can BE LOVED and are worthy of LOVE.

11 May, 2012

Sexual Abuse

Understand this Sexual Abuse has long term effects. 

If you or someone you know has been effected by this issue: 
1. Assure them they are Appreciated, Loved, Valued and Worthy. 
2. Help them get counseling. 
3. Do not dismiss your/their feelings and/or thoughts. 
4. Assist them in gaining a new understanding of courtship in the dynamics of a relationship.
5. Do not blame and/or judge them negatively, you may never truly understand their pain.

05 May, 2012

Grateful & Thankful

I will be grateful and thankful for what is NOT in my life currently. It does not mean things will not be added in the future, it does mean I am being prepared for those things presently. 

Lost focus. Time to really put my faith and knowledge into action and not be deceived by mans reality. My values and goals are important to me. I am a valued and appreciated, intelligent and humble, healthy and in-shape, loved and loving, concerned and empathetic, fighter and peacemaker, mother and friend, reserved and sexy, passionately Good GODLY woman.

Don't wait for others to see what you need to see first within yourself.