17 May, 2012
I Samuel 26-28: Sir, do you remember me?” Hannah asked. “I am the woman who stood here several years ago praying to the LORD.27 I asked the LORD to give me this boy, and he has granted my request. 28 Now I am giving him to the LORD, and he will belong to the LORD his whole life.” And theyt worshiped the LORD there.
So today was a very challenging day. Not for any particular reason other than this cold is still trying to snuff me out AND I really did not want to go to see my son graduate from Pre-K. Today I realized that my baby is really a BOY -- which means next stop is soon to be a Man. As a single mom, I always think about what Dynnie is missing without having his father in his life. Should I have fought to keep the relationship, should I have stayed just so he can have a Male Role Model. I want so much better for both of us. I want to be the type of Mom that he can say "He is Proud I am his Mom and FRIEND". I want him to be able to be a balanced, talented, cultured, intelligent, educated, respectful, grounded spiritual man.
As a parent you are constantly questioning if you are doing the right thing. Disciplining the right way. Teaching the correct values. Grooming them for success. Instilling a spiritual foundation and morals into your child.
I think about the unresolved issues in my life from financial to emotional and wonder - what steps do I need to make to not allow my son to share in my bad decisions. It pains me to know that, I have so much more to do in such a short time -- to teach my son the values of a Man. Four now yet in fourteen years, he will be eighteen, years old! Time flies by!! All I can do is just keep my hand in Gods hand, ask for true guidance and release my fear to the Lord. For those that our not people of faith, it is NOT my intent to offend. I just have to seek what I know will help bring peace of mind and joy in my life, for me that is my relationship with God. So I say this to say, if you are a person of faith. do not pray for me, pray for a continued covering over my son's life. I want to not just be a Godly Mom - but a Godly woman. So he can know -- the character of woman he should select for his life.