12 May, 2012

Just As I Am

Just got in from church about two hours ago and service for me -- was so touching. One of the assistant Ministers spoke on Mother's of course. Specifically how there are a whole host of Mothers that need "Mothering". How they are tapped out spiritually, emotionally and physically. How you see a smile on some's face and you never know the volume of pain they are in. She made a point to say that this is also applicable for Men and Women without children but what makes it significant for Mothers is she is the vessel that has to pour into another's soul hourly and daily. 

The pressure to be the perfect good mother yet these same women have no one to Mother them, stand in the gap for them, love them unselfishly and without regard. Many will never understand my pain - so I move forward with a smile with no attempt to explain it or speak of it. I put love as my focus, healing in my words, and peace in my thoughts and press on. My minister prayed for me today. Elder Sparks has said to me on more than one occassion that she has a tender heart for me -- when I touched her hands today she could feel my pain because her tears came before her prayers. In my eyes, there are people experiencing or have experienced worse and I do not want anyone's sympathy, coddling or terms of encouragement. What I do want is to just be -- Not have my confessions deem I am weak. Not have someone wanting to put me back together again.Someone to love me just as I am, as the spiritual goes. There are so many of us that are hurt deeply whether man/woman, mother/father who are silent and will never admit it openly or even to anyone close to them. I want to encourage you that today is your day to know that if you feel that No one else empathizes with you. 

I do. I love you and will be there for you in whatever capacity that God will allow me to be. I ask you to take it moment by moment. Don't think about the next hours or tomorrow - just say Lord I need you to guide my next words or actions because I am to broken to do this. Just as he is guiding me - he will guide you also. There is strength in your tears. There is strength in that heart we feel to be broken. You may never ever "get over" the hurt but it will be more manageable, tolerable and give you the capacity to have total peace in your heart and mind. You can love and more importantly you can BE LOVED and are worthy of LOVE.

1 comment:

  1. Im in need of the love I never got as a child, reading that post made me trust Jesus more and stop blaming everyone else for my selfish ways, I thank u for posting and sharing. I will pray for u as well as women/men everywhere as well! God is good all the time!